Dialogue
(Basically, the assignment was to eavesdrop on a conversation and then write it down, as much of it as possible. The idea was to get us accustomed to writing dialogue. I wrote it as I heard it, which means there is profanity in it, but I was in a bar, so I couldn't really justify excluding it from the conversation. So anyways, here it is...)
* * * * * * * * * *
Four guys sit at a table in a bar in the center of Rome, all in their early twenties, drinking beer while the soccer game plays on the television. Every so often you can hear the Italians upstairs cheering or hollering at something on the television screen. The four friends, on holiday in Rome, drink their beer and catch up on old times.
“She was hot,” states the guy who looks a bit like a younger Woody Harrelson.
“Dude, she was orange!” protests the loud guy with the Fonz hairdo.
“She used that tanning cream stuff! She was not orange.”
“Dude, she was definitely orange. That is just weird. Hey, man, you remember Orange?” He elbows the Colin Farrell look-alike with the torn jeans.
“What? Who’s Orange?”
“You remember, the Orange chick he went out with.”
“Oh yeah, that one. Dude, she was hot.”
“Thank you!” Woody Harrelson slams his hands down on the table.
“Not as hot as Rainbow though.”
“No, man, Rainbow was a psycho,” pipes in the fourth guy, a rather bookish version of Tom Cruise. “Hey, how is your ex-wife, by the way?” He grins at the Fonz.
“No, man, no seriously. That girl was fucking crazy. One day, she just starts telling me we’re going out, and I’m thinking this girl is nuts. She still calls me.”
Tom Cruise laughs. “You’ve dated some reeeeaaal winners.”
“Hey, now.”
Woody Harrelson pipes in, “Yeah you have… you got Steven Segal, The Sauce…”
“Now look, they weren’t all that bad…”
“... The Sidekick…”
“Get that!! Come on, ref, call that! Call that! Oh man, I can’t believe…” Colin Farrell half jumps out of his chair yelling at the television screen. The other three look absently at the television, roll their eyes. He sits back down, mumbling displeasure. He nudges Tom Cruise, “Hey, when are we gonna call Georgia?”
“Friday, man.”
“Aww, Friday? Dude, what if she’s busy this weekend, and she can’t meet up? Natalie said she would take us around.”
“Yeah…”
“You better not ruin this for me, man! That girl is gonna be smokin’ hot if she is anything like Natalie.”
“Slay the dragon, man. Slay the dragon.” All four laugh as Tom Cruise pulls his invisible sword from behind his back, slow-motion style, and starts swinging it around the table. An oldies song comes on the stereo, and Colin Farrell and the Fonz break out the dance moves and air guitar. The song ends, and the beer drinking resumes.
“I can’t believe you guys almost let me go home with that girl last night.” The Fonz tries to smack the other three.
“Dude. I kept trying to tell you not to get with that girl! Didn’t I tell him?” Tom Cruise dodges the Fonz’s blows. “You just kept telling me, ‘No, it’s ok, it’s ok!’ Then you’d order another round of shots, you idiot.”
“You guys were gonna let me go upstairs with her. She was Harry Henderson, man. Harry Henderson. That’s just cold.”
Woody Harrelson holds up his hands in defense. “I wasn’t there man, don’t look at me.”
“Dude, yeah, where did you go?” asks Colin Farrell.
“Well I was trying to get some sleep, until you three came back.”
“So what you’re saying is… you wussed out on us.”
“Are you serious? I can’t believe you guys came back and started beating the shit out of me, while I was sleeping. You guys are jackasses.” The others roll with laughter, patting each other on the back for a job apparently well done.
“Dude, we were so trashed.”
“It was legitimate. I mean think about it, I didn’t sleep at all on the plane, then you idiots drag me all over the city, then we go out till two in the morning, and I just wanted to sleep. That’s not cool, man.”
Colin Farrell laughs. “I just remember jumping on your bed, and you trying to punch me.” Woody Harrelson flips him off, grins, and downs the rest of his beer.
“Harry Henderson, man.” The Fonz is still sitting there, shaking his head.
* * * * * * * * * *
Four guys sit at a table in a bar in the center of Rome, all in their early twenties, drinking beer while the soccer game plays on the television. Every so often you can hear the Italians upstairs cheering or hollering at something on the television screen. The four friends, on holiday in Rome, drink their beer and catch up on old times.
“She was hot,” states the guy who looks a bit like a younger Woody Harrelson.
“Dude, she was orange!” protests the loud guy with the Fonz hairdo.
“She used that tanning cream stuff! She was not orange.”
“Dude, she was definitely orange. That is just weird. Hey, man, you remember Orange?” He elbows the Colin Farrell look-alike with the torn jeans.
“What? Who’s Orange?”
“You remember, the Orange chick he went out with.”
“Oh yeah, that one. Dude, she was hot.”
“Thank you!” Woody Harrelson slams his hands down on the table.
“Not as hot as Rainbow though.”
“No, man, Rainbow was a psycho,” pipes in the fourth guy, a rather bookish version of Tom Cruise. “Hey, how is your ex-wife, by the way?” He grins at the Fonz.
“No, man, no seriously. That girl was fucking crazy. One day, she just starts telling me we’re going out, and I’m thinking this girl is nuts. She still calls me.”
Tom Cruise laughs. “You’ve dated some reeeeaaal winners.”
“Hey, now.”
Woody Harrelson pipes in, “Yeah you have… you got Steven Segal, The Sauce…”
“Now look, they weren’t all that bad…”
“... The Sidekick…”
“Get that!! Come on, ref, call that! Call that! Oh man, I can’t believe…” Colin Farrell half jumps out of his chair yelling at the television screen. The other three look absently at the television, roll their eyes. He sits back down, mumbling displeasure. He nudges Tom Cruise, “Hey, when are we gonna call Georgia?”
“Friday, man.”
“Aww, Friday? Dude, what if she’s busy this weekend, and she can’t meet up? Natalie said she would take us around.”
“Yeah…”
“You better not ruin this for me, man! That girl is gonna be smokin’ hot if she is anything like Natalie.”
“Slay the dragon, man. Slay the dragon.” All four laugh as Tom Cruise pulls his invisible sword from behind his back, slow-motion style, and starts swinging it around the table. An oldies song comes on the stereo, and Colin Farrell and the Fonz break out the dance moves and air guitar. The song ends, and the beer drinking resumes.
“I can’t believe you guys almost let me go home with that girl last night.” The Fonz tries to smack the other three.
“Dude. I kept trying to tell you not to get with that girl! Didn’t I tell him?” Tom Cruise dodges the Fonz’s blows. “You just kept telling me, ‘No, it’s ok, it’s ok!’ Then you’d order another round of shots, you idiot.”
“You guys were gonna let me go upstairs with her. She was Harry Henderson, man. Harry Henderson. That’s just cold.”
Woody Harrelson holds up his hands in defense. “I wasn’t there man, don’t look at me.”
“Dude, yeah, where did you go?” asks Colin Farrell.
“Well I was trying to get some sleep, until you three came back.”
“So what you’re saying is… you wussed out on us.”
“Are you serious? I can’t believe you guys came back and started beating the shit out of me, while I was sleeping. You guys are jackasses.” The others roll with laughter, patting each other on the back for a job apparently well done.
“Dude, we were so trashed.”
“It was legitimate. I mean think about it, I didn’t sleep at all on the plane, then you idiots drag me all over the city, then we go out till two in the morning, and I just wanted to sleep. That’s not cool, man.”
Colin Farrell laughs. “I just remember jumping on your bed, and you trying to punch me.” Woody Harrelson flips him off, grins, and downs the rest of his beer.
“Harry Henderson, man.” The Fonz is still sitting there, shaking his head.
posted by Nicole | 12:57 PM
1 Comments:
Nicole, You did a good job capturing the fast-talking of night prowlers. We hear their distinctive voices, and you do well to differentiate them with references to movie stars. Keep in mind, however, that if someone in their eighties were to read your piece, he or she might not instantly be able to visualize a "bookish Tom Cruise" or a "younger Woody Harrelson." It's fine for this piece but try not to fall into the habit in general b/c it limits your audience.
At the start, in your opening narrative, you write that the four friends are on holiday in Rome. It's clear you understand that after listening to their conversation so you don't have to say it at the start.
What's missing is a beginning, middle and end. It's often difficult to find these three in an eavesdropping assignment b/c you never know how long you can get away with listening. In this scene, however, it falls flat at the end. Perhaps if you had listened a little longer something more interesting would have been said. But, on the whole, you did a nice job writing down quickly some dicey fast-talking!
Posta un commento
<< Home